Bro-llywood

The entire existence of Entourage, the TV show and the movie, can be summed up in the penultimate scene in the Entourage movie. The best buddies of Hollywood are walking the red carpet at The Golden Globe Awards and The Who’s “Eminence Front” is playing in the background. For those unfamiliar, the chorus of “Eminence Front” features guitarist Pete Townshend singing “Eminence Front – It’s a put on” repeatedly. That’s it, that’s Entourage in a nutshell: An Eminence Front, a put on, a fantasy, a false advertisement. Entourage, the HBO series about a hotshot actor bringing his three buddies from Queens out to Hollywood for all play and no visible work. They slept with hot girls, drove hot cars, slept by the pool and partied like there was no tomorrow (but still a lot of money). It was the bro capital of television before MTV even thought of Jersey Shore. Now, four years after Vincent Chase and co. went off the air, their back for a feature length effort of making rich guys look like assholes. ADVENTURE HO!!!!!! Co-written and directed by series creator Doug Ellin, Entourage features the same old gang back together: blockbuster playboy actor Vince (Adrian Grenier), nice guy manager/producer E (Kevin Connolly), short but spunky Turtle (Jerry Ferrara) and Vince’s older brother Johnny Drama (Kevin Dillon). Vince gets word that his former agent Ari Gold (Jeremy Piven) is now the head of a studio and wants Vince to star in his Ari’s first movie. One catch, Vince wants to direct the movie too. Eight months and $100 million later, nobody has seen the movie, Vince is over budget and still needs more money to finish it. This means Ari, still dealing with outrageous anger issues, has to fly to Texas to kiss up to the film’s financiers, Larsen McCredle (Billy Bob Thornton) and his son Travis (Haley Joel Osment). On top of that, E’s on-again, off-again girlfriend Sloan (Emmanuelle Chriqui) is about to have his baby while E is still sleeping around with models and porn stars (so relatable). Turtle is trying to put the moves on Ronda Rousey (one of the many celebrities playing themselves) and Drama is trying to make his own stamp in Hollywood. Entourage is a 104 minute episode of the TV series, with a lot of fluff and little to no substance. As the series has featured before, the movie is chock full of celebrity cameos including Jessica Alba, Warren Buffett, Liam Neeson, Kelsey Grammer, Emily Ratajkowski and Mark Wahlberg (one of the executive producers and the partial inspiration for the show). The cameos are so random and so brief, you could take a shot for every celebrity to show up and see how long you and your friends can make it through the movie. The lead cast members all fill out their less than respectable characters talking about hooking up with girls and how hard it is to juggle hooking up with girls. The funny this is, the guys aren’t sure whether they’re supposed to be loveable buddies who are stupid or just total douchebags. They’ll sleep with porn stars, but then wonder where their lives are headed and feel sorry about it. The only character with something close to an arch is E, but even when fatherhood comes knocking at his door, he just shrugs his shoulders and goes, “Hey bros, I’m a dad! SHOTS!” The only entertaining part of Entourage is Jeremy Piven’s Ari, who is still a total sleaze. His jokes are homophobic, racist and mean-spirited, so if that tickles your funny bone, good for you. Even the whole point of the movie (i.e. Vince’s blockbuster) is shoved off to the side and is automatically assumed to be completed. Purpose in this movie is as pointless as the last chick Vince slept with. It’s strange that Entourage even got made, because its depiction of Hollywood is very demeaning. With the rise of women like Melissa McCarthy leading Hollywood blockbusters and movies that have fully-formed gay characters instead of stereotypes, it seems like a step backward to make an Entourage movie. It’s barely any fun, cool to look at, but pointless to get invested in. It’s a bad sign when one of the comedic highlights is a cameo from Gary Busey. VICTORY….not so much. Final Verdict: 1 out of 4 stars

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